A 'Typical' Saturday in the Life of Clan O'Neill
Mrs. YS

A "Typical" Saturday in the Life of Clan O'Neill

by Mrs. YS

Category: Future Story, Romance
Season: future Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet, Jack/Sam

Author's Notes: This is my first try at fanfic. Thanks to my best friend Pat (aka NewJerseyBabe) for the beta read. Wouldn't you just love to see Jack just plain happy and not angst-ridden? Feedback appreciated but not required. No flames please! Thanks!

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A "Typical" Saturday in the Life of Clan O'Neill

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0530 Saturday

Jack awoke slowly, reflectively. 'I'm really enjoying retirement,' he thought to himself, 'The war is over. Just a little clean up of the very much lesser Goa'ulds which is being taken care of by the Tok'ra. Peace more or less reigns in our part of the universe, but Earth still has some bickering despots, but man oh man am I blessed!' Jack smiled to himself as he tightened his hold on his beautiful wife. He nuzzled the back of her neck and settled in to catch a few more winks.

0600

THUD! THUMP! THUD! SQUEEK! THWACK!

"Jack..." Sam nudged Jack's chin with her shoulder. "Yuck! Are you drooling on me? Jack, wake up...Sounds like Will is at it again..."

"Hmmm? Sam, you wanna do it again?" Jack grinned in a sly satisfied way.

"In your dreams Flyboy... Your son Will - remember him? He's rappelling off the roof again." Sam scooted down and pulled the blanket over her head. Muffled, her voice slightly upset, "I thought we decided not to teach the kids black ops procedures until they were older? Please go make sure he doesn't fall!"

"Yeah, yeah," answered Jack as he turned over and tried to cop a feel of his wife's wonderful derriere. 'Wonder if she'd reconsider my previous offer?' He smiled to himself and tried to move closer to her.

"I mean it Jack!" Sam said with a huff as she rolled further away from him.

"Okay, okay I'm going. Sheesh!" Jack threw the covers off and winced as the cold morning air surrounded him. Grabbing his jeans, he hobbled over to the balcony doors. Opening the doors to the bright morning sunlight, Jack squinted and barked, "Will!"

"Yes, sir!" Will froze. He was in trouble big time. He knew he should have done this down the front of the house! D'oh!

"How many times have I told you not to rappel down this side of the house? Especially this early in the morning?" Jack squinted and thought to himself, 'It's bright out here and cold...brrr! Wonder if Carter'll let me back into bed to warm up alittle? Nah...she's peeved that the boy is up early again.'

"Sorry, sir!" Will replied with ease.

"Alright. Finish up and get inside. You have KP this morning!"

"Yes, sir!" Will flashed a grateful and smug smile to his dad and continued rappelling his way merrily down the side of the house. Jack answered with a proud smile of his own and watched his son bounce down the side of the house and land softly on the back patio. Will flashed a thumbs up and Jack replied in kind.

Jack came back inside hoping that Sam had not heard his conversation with Will. D'oh! Sam's eyes were glaring out from under her blanket. If looks could kill... "Jack..."

"I know! I know! I'll have another talk with the boy! Any chance of me getting back in bed and using you to warm up a little?" He grinned with all the charm he could muster this early in the morning.

"In your dreams, Flyboy. I just heard Jake and Maggie giggling in the hall. Watch out for a trip wire. Grace just woke up and she's calling you. She wants to know if the co-efficient of drag was more for a ball on a carpet or an electron being forced out of it's path. Katie's searching for her missing hockey puck again. I heard her cuss in Russian. Wonder where she learned that, Jack? Wake me when breakfast is ready." Sam smiled to herself and snuggled into her blankets as she heard Jack sigh and head toward the bathroom. Secretly, Sam was just as proud of Will as Jack, but just wasn't ready to let Jack know that yet.

0620

As Jack left their bedroom, he knew the children had left a trip wire waiting for him. Aha! There it was! With a dramatic flair, he pretended to fall. "Ohhh shiiii..." he shouted as he landed face first on the carpet. A bucket full of confetti poured down on him. 'Thank goodness we convinced them confetti was easier to clean up than water, motor oil, and jell-o.' Jack laughed as two childish giggles greeted him with "Gotcha!" and "Daddy you're not supposed to cuss!"

"Oh for crying out loud! A man's not safe in his own home! You kids better run!" More giggles as Jack hauled himself up and growled like a bear as he chased Jake and Maggie down the hall.

0730

"Wake up Mom!" cried Katie as she and Maggie jumped on the bed. "Dad says chow is ready."

"Buenos dias Mama! Daddy said that the last soldier there has to eat MREs for the next three nights in a row!" Maggie chirped her father's last statement verbatim. She bounced to the end of the bed and chased Katie down the hall shouting "Wait for me!" in three languages.

Sam laughed as her daughters ran out of the room. Slowly -- 'Is it getting harder to get up in the morning? The only time I feel that way is when...nah!' - she rose and readied herself for the day.

0745

After her morning ablutions, Sam walked downstairs and was amazed again at the wonderful scene that was before her. She paused and observed her husband and children eating breakfast together at the big table. At the head of the table sat Jack. He looked up and smiled at her then turned his attention to his brood. Jack -- Proud father of 5 (Yeah 5! She had trouble believing that one herself. Janet said something about the naquadah in her bloodstream blocking the effects of birth control. Yeah right...Although it was a great excuse for a really large family.). There was Will, age 7, who was the spitting image of the Colonel complete with brown hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. He had the Colonel's innate sense of honor, duty, and kindness that Sam loved so much in Jack. Will was an athlete and, like the Colonel, could not stay still much to his teachers' chagrin. Katie, age 6, was blond, blue-eyed and too smart for her own good. She had a natural aptitude for all things mechanical. Jake, 5, who, like his namesake, loved rules and regulations, but could also tease and joke around to make everyone happy. Maggie, 4, red-haired and full of fun and the only one named for Jack's favorite show, The Simpson's. Unlike the mute Maggie
Simpson, Maggie O'Neill had an ear for languages much to Jack's dismay and Uncle Daniel's delight. Maggie had already mastered English, Japanese, and Spanish and was working on three more - Arabic, German, and Latin. Grace, age 3, was brown-haired blue-eyed and extremely talented in this extremely smart family. At age 18 months she was reading simple books and could recite the multiplication tables. She loved math and absorbed it like a sponge. (Jack told Daniel that he gave up trying to understand anything any of his kids said to him after they learned how to say "Daddy".) Sam looked at them and her eyes teared up for just a minute. She sighed shakily and continued her way down the stairs and took her place at the table. She surreptitiously swiped at her eyes. Happiness? Hormones? Great big honking need for chocolate?

0900
"Janet just called," Sam said as she walked back into the family room. Jack was lying on the couch watching a tape of the Colorado Avalanche - Minnesota Wild hockey game. Jack paused the game tape. He raised his eyebrows in expectation. Sam continued, "Will was over at their house liberating Nick from a welldeserved time out while the rest of the kids distracted Janet and Daniel at the front door. Seems he rappelled from the roof to Nick's second story window, picked the lock of said window, and rescued his best friend from an "unfair" grounding." Jack smiled smugly. "This is not the normal behavior of a 7 year old!" Sam said totally frustrated. She knew Jack had something to do with this little jailbreak.

Jack shrugged and tried to hide a prideful fatherly grin. "Aw, you know, kids like to play..."

"Play?! They should be riding bikes, playing baseball, or climbing trees. Not liberating friends like commandos! Most adults never get exposed to this kind of training!"

Jack countered, "Well how does Will know how to pick locks? I'm certainly not very good at it unlike some scientific types in this room. And how do you explain some of the hand-to-hand that the girls know?"

"Self defense! You saw the bruise that Brewster boy down the street gave Katie when he hit her two months ago." Sam saw Jack cringe as he remembered that little episode. All of Jack's fatherly, protective instincts kicked in combined with his military skills to scare the crap (literally) out of that little bully. Unfortunately, the little bully's father was a lawyer. Oy! What a mess... Sam shook her head and continued, "I taught the girls a little self-defense so that they could defend themselves against attackers. Katie, Maggie, and Grace are not allowed to use their knowledge for bullying, but if someone starts something, they sure well can finish it!"

"Okay...I agree. Let's stop this right there. We've had this argument before. You agree not to teach the girls any more hand-to-hand and I agree not to teach the boys any more black ops stuff at least until they're older...Pax?" Jack held out his right hand.

Sam grasped his right hand with her right hand and shook it. "Okay. Pax." She smiled and him and tugged her hand away when he tried to tug her onto the couch. "Oh yeah, Janet said if Nick shows up here to feed him lunch and keep him here. She's sending Marie over to play and eat with us too. She and Daniel have decided that since our kids liberated Nick we can keep him and Marie so they can have a quiet day at home. After all, what's two more over here? I really hope their quiet time at home turns out to be a baby sister or brother for Nick and Marie!" She smiled evilly at Jack. "Maybe two baby sisters or brothers for Nick and Marie!"

Jack laughed too. "How about we take advantage of the fact that Clan O'Neill and Company are outside?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well, maybe we could take advantage of the lull..." Sam smiled seductively as she straddled his hips on the couch and bent to kiss those oh so wonderful lips...

Things were progressing nicely when all hell broke loose. Namely, Clan O'Neill and Company came in through the back door and raided the kitchen in a searchand -rescue of the Oreos. Sam tried to pull away from Jack, but he held onto her. "Stay where you're at and save me some embarrassment would you?" She laughed quietly and relaxed against him.

"Eww!!! Mom and Dad are at it again!!!" Will screamed out.

"Eww!!" copied Katie.

"Eww!! Yuck!" said Jake.

"Eww!!" "Eww!!" and more "Ewww!" from the rest of the Clan.

And finally, "Oh man, just like my parents!!!!" There were gagging noises from the two token Jacksons in the bunch.

Jack and Sam laughed and kissed each other as the kids liberated Oreos and hightailed it out into the back yard.

"Now where were we?" grinned Jack.

Sam smiled back and began to lower her head toward when she glimpsed the clock. Her eyes widened as she noticed the time. "Sorry Jack I really gotta go to work now. I'll be downstairs working on the computer. I've got some naquadriah generator models to work on. More upgrades and improvements. I promised to email the reports in this afternoon."

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes as he let go of his wife. "The things I give up for my planet... I guess we'll go grocery shopping or something productive. Then I'll make lunch for everybody."

Sam smiled at Jack as she got up. She bent and kissed him once more on the mouth and bemusedly wondered to herself which clerk was going to win the O'Neill Speed Shopping Pool today. As she walked down the hall to the basement stairs, her mind had already turned from Sam O'Neill wife and mother to Doctor Colonel Samantha Carter-O'Neill astrophysicist extraordinaire. "What if we tweaked the electron emitter modulator just a bit..."

1115 Warehouse Superstore

In the entrance of the Warehouse Superstore, Jack arranged his teams. "Will, you and Nick take the north end of the store. Katie, you and Jake take the east end of the store. Maggie, Marie, and Grace you're with me and we'll take the west end and the middle. Okay, campers, everyone paired up? Cart? List? Okay. When you have your list complete, meet at the aisle 7 checkout." Seven pairs of excited shiny eyes looked at him. He smiled. "Move out!" The three teams laid down rubber on the slick concrete floors as the teams raced to fulfill their objectives.

'Now where's the Spam?' Jack thought to himself with a little evil grin. 'I really hope this works. Won't Sam be surprised? I think she's gonna kill me.' He mentally shrugged. 'Yeah, but what a way to go...'

As the teams took off for their assigned areas of the store, Betty Jo the store manager reached behind the customer service counter and pulled out the Saturday Morning O'Neill Shopping Pool worksheet. Betty Jo started the timer on her stopwatch and marked the time when O'Neill Clan & Co came in the door. Over the PA system, she announced "All employees, I am now accepting bids for the weekly pool." Within two minutes she had 30 bets for the amount of time it would take O'Neill and Co to complete their Saturday morning shop. She placed her bet for 27 minutes. Record time for O'Neill & Co was 17 minutes. This miraculous event occurred the one and only time Sam O'Neill participated. There was some mention of undue employee help in the gathering of list items due to the fact that Colonel Mrs. O'Neill was 8 months pregnant with her fourth baby and, according to Jack, whining horribly. Colonel Mrs. O'Neill claims she was not whining, she was just giving orders and she expected them to be obeyed at once. Which of course they were.

1146

Jack met his teams at the aisle 7 cashier. Betty Jo announced that the winner of the "bids" was Wanda in Deli. O'Neill smiled over at Betty Jo. "How much did Wanda win today?"

Betty Jo tried to act innocent but fell victim to Jack's charming boyish smile. "Oh you! You're not supposed to notice that we bet on how long it takes you all to shop! Wanda won $50 bucks!"

"Wow! Congrats to Wanda" Jack smiled and turned to his teams. "Let's go home campers!"

1315

"Oh God! What's that smell?!" She felt her stomach churn. Frantic, Sam ran from her office down the hall to the bathroom. She proceeded to hurl the contents of her breakfast into the porcelain bowl.

"Oh no," she thought, "I can't be! Not again!!! No way! Jack you're in so much trouble!" Sam washed out her mouth and dabbed her face dry. That smell was still making her nauseous. "That smell....Oh my God! Spam!!!! I hate Spam! He knows it too! Why, he's gonna get it. Level III Hand to Hand all over him. Where's that rusty spoon?" Halfway up the stairs, Sam stopped her ranting and sat down heavily. "I guess I can't whump him today. Colonel Charming Smartass knows I'm pregnant before I do! I guess I'll just go get the sign ready and post it up on the kitchen bulletin board."

She went back to her office and opened the file named "Spam" and printed it out in red.

OFFICIAL NOTICE
NO SPAM ZONE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

She stomped upstairs and pinned it to the bulletin board in the kitchen. She did not look at her family busily eating lunch knowing that she would hurl if she saw anyone placing Spam in his or her mouth. She stomped back down to her office and slammed the door.

Jack watched Sam. As soon as she retreated back downstairs, he jumped up from his chair and practically ran to the bulletin board. He pulled the sign down and walked back to the table with a huge grin on his face. The children looked up at him questioningly.

"Gracie, what's this sign say?" He smiled at his 3 year old daughter.

"Dad it says: OFFICIAL NOTICE NO SPAM ZONE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE." She rolled her eyes at the easy test.

"Good girl Gracie! I knew you had your Mom's beauty and brains! Will," he said as he turned to his oldest son, "What does this sign mean?"

"Aw Dad! It means we're gonna have a new brother or sister! I vote for brother! We need to even out our team!"

"Couldn't have said it better myself! Let's everyone finish lunch and get this place aired out for Mom! Will, you and Nick take the third floor and open all the windows. Katie you and the girls take the second floor and I'll open these down here."

Jack returned to the table after replacing the sign on the bulletin board. He picked up his soda and drank a mouthful.

"Daddy where do babies come from?" asked Maggie.

Jack nearly choked on his soda. Swallowing with a big grin he said, "Ask Uncle Daniel."

1400

Sam froze as the door to her office opened slowly and a tray of tea and crackers appeared through the door. She watched as Jack followed when he didn't hear her hiss or throw anything at the tray.

"How are you feeling?" He said as he set the tray down on her workbench across the room from her computer. (He learned the hard way not to place food or drink - especially drink - near her computer.) "Feel like some tea and crackers? Blue Jell-O?"

Sam silently stood up, not sure whether to flay him verbally (since she couldn't physically right now, she was just too nauseous) or to just forgive him for getting her in this situation again. She sighed silently to herself. 'It takes two to tango. Two to do the horizontal mambo. Two to do the waltz of life.' She cringed inwardly. 'I'm starting to sound more like Jack O'Neill everyday.' Outwardly she controlled her facial expressions.

Jack shifted uneasily. Sam was way too quiet. This was so not good. She came around her desk and walked toward him. He saw the quiet flatness of her eyes (It was the patented Combat-Ready-Carter look.) and he knew he was in for it. He slowly started to ease toward the door. She saw that he was trying to escape but there was no way on God's blue and green Earth that he was going to get away. She pounced and trapped him against the door.

"Sammmm...." Jack muttered. His thoughts fled as Sam pressed herself up against him and kissed him with all the love in heart. His arms wrapped around her and he returned her kiss.

Finally, both of them suffering some from anoxia, they broke the kiss.

"What was that for?" Jack asked totally bewildered, but glad that the combat flatness was gone from her eyes, replaced by the love that she always had for him.

"That was for getting me pregnant again and for knowing it before I did!" She was exasperated that her husband knew her body better than she did. "Spam! You know I hate Spam. I thought I had found all the cans of that stuff and thrown them out. You know that's the only thing that makes me ill when I'm pregnant." She stopped suddenly and pulled out of his arms. She ran a hand through her hair. "You knew this morning!!! Don't let anyone ever tell you you are dumb Jack O'Neill. You are a master tactician!!! Yuck! Brought low by a can of Spam..."

"It really wasn't anything, you know? I just guessed this morning when you wanted to sleep more than cuddle. I bought some Spam today thinking that just maybe..." He grinned unrepentant. "Your reaction to the Spam just confirmed it for me. Besides, Spam makes the best pregnancy test I know of - at least for you." He rolled against the door as she socked him in the arm and laughed. "I've got the kids opening the windows and letting some fresh air in. It won't smell in here for too much longer." Jack motioned toward the tray of food. "Sit. Eat. You'll feel better."

Still in an unforgiving mood, Sam raised her eyebrows at him. "Are you ordering me to eat, Sir?"

Jack shuddered. Even after 8 years of marriage hearing her say "Sir" was enough to make his skin crawl. It reminded him of the 7 years of fighting the war against the Goa'uld as her CO. "No Colonel Carter-O'Neill I am not ordering you to eat. I'm asking as a kind, considerate husband that you sit and eat. Feed my new baby!"

"Yes, Sir!" Sam said sarcastically.

He harrumphed and decided to ignore her sarcasm. He watched his wife as she delicately tried a cracker. So far so good. No rerun of the food swallowed. Next, she tried the blue Jell-O. Her stomach was feeling much better. She began to relax a little and enjoy herself.

"Sam, you wanna go out tonight? I called Janet and Daniel and they said they could come over and watch the kids for us as long as Teal'c was here too. He said he could be here by 1800."

"Sounds great!" Sam smiled. She knew she would be ravenous by dinnertime. "Let me finish this report and email it to the SGC lab. Then we can finish some chores and make dinner before Janet, Daniel, and Teal'c arrive.

Jack watched as Sam returned to her desk and began typing again. Everyday I love her more he thought. Everything we went through has been so worth it! He grinned as he walked back upstairs.

1800

"Uncle Teal'c! Uncle Teal'c!!" was screamed several times over the hustle and bustle of dinnertime. Teal'c had just arrived and was invited to eat dinner with the children and Janet and Daniel. Sam smiled at him as she set a plate before him.

"Did you make this meal SamanthaO'Neill? asked Teal'c in his staid way.

"No way Teal'c. It is totally edible. Jack cooked tonight."

Teal'c raised his eyebrow toward his friend Jack. Before Jack could reply, Nick asked a question.

"Uncle Teal'c," Nick was going to ask the question for all of them.

Teal'c looked at Nick. "Yes NickJackson what is it you wish?

"Would you show us how to defend ourselves with a staff? Please, sir, please?! We could go outside after dinner and you could show us." 7 pairs of young eyes pleaded silently with Teal'c.

Jack complained, "Why won't they ask that nice for us?"

Teal'c merely smiled slightly and said, "Yes NickJackson we may go out after dinner and I will teach you what my mentor Bra'tac once taught me. Eat your food."

The children all squirmed excitedly in their seats. Jack saw the excitement flare in their eyes and almost wished he could stay home to watch until he noticed that Sam was ready to go. He smiled at everyone and wished them a good night. Sam said her goodbyes and they were out the door.

2200

Jack and Sam arrived home. They talked to Teal'c quietly as he told them of his adventures with the children. They laughed at some of the stories, especially about how DanielJackson was bested by Katie in a sparring match. Teal'c refused their offer of an overnight stay in their guestroom. He said he had to be back at the SGC first thing in the morning for his return to Chulak and a vacation with his son Rya'c and his grandchildren. They said goodnight and Godspeed as he left for home.

Slowly, Jack and Sam made their way upstairs holding hands as they walked. They looked in on their sleeping children. Will was asleep at the foot of his bed with one shoe still on. Jake was in his bunk the right way but with a staff clutched in his hands. Jack shook his head and straightened them out while Sam went into the girls' room. Katie and Maggie were each in their beds correctly. They looked like angels when they were asleep. Sam knew better. She would bet her next computer upgrade that her new socket wrench was under Katie's pillow and a translation of the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead (no doubt swiped covertly from Uncle Daniel) was hidden under Maggie's pillow. In the next room, Gracie was asleep under a pile of plush toy animals. As Sam looked at her Jack joined her and they both were startled when they heard Gracie mutter something about quadratic equations and relativity theory. Jack looked at Sam and shook his head. Sam grinned and signaled that they should leave.

In their bedroom, Jack was still shaking his head. "Quacking equations and relative theory? Oy! My head!"

Sam laughed. She hugged her husband and said, "Don't worry about it Jack. They'll always look up to you. They love you."

"Easy for you to say. You can hold conversations with them. I tend to zone out. You know I'm a man of action, not words."

"You are so much smarter than you let on. Come on, Jack, you have a masters degree and probably a doctorate (though you won't deny or confirm it). You speak Arabic, Russian, and Latin. And you married me!" She walked toward him. "However, now is not the time to worry about conversations. I'm all for action right now, Jack O'Neill, if you know what I mean." She wiggled her eyebrows at him and smiled.

O'Neill smiled, neither denying nor confirming anything she said about his intelligence, and reached for his wife.

Later, as they were settling in to actually sleep, Jack rubbed Sam's tummy, content in the knowledge that another O'Neill would soon arrive, he suddenly said, "Sam? Can we name this one Bart?"

Sam snorted. "In your dreams, Flyboy. I'm naming this one Angus. I've always loved that name."

It was Jack's turn to snort as he settled down more comfortably next to her. "Angus huh? For crying out loud..."

0600 Sunday

THUD! SQUEEK! THUMP! THUD! TWACK!

"Jack..." Sam poked Jack in the back. "Jack, wake up...Sounds like Will is at it again..."

"Hmm? Nah... that's Katie. It's your turn to get up." Jack turned over and tried to pull the blanket over his head.

"Katie! No way that's Jake. Your turn to get up!" She pulled the covers away and started to roll in them. Just like a burrito.

"Maybe it's Nick...Daniel will take care of him."

"No, it not Nick and you know it. You're right it's Katie. Jack, surely your not going to get a pregnant woman up this early on a Sunday morning..." came a muffled reply from way under the covers. He could only see a few tufts of blond hair sticking up out of the top of the blanket.

"Oh yeah sure...now you're helpless!"

"Jack, please!"

"Alright! Sheesh!"

Sam smiled as she fell back to sleep to the sound of Jack instructing their daughter how to correctly rappel down the side of the house.